Fat Dads all in a row

Posted on May 11, 2009 by toddlerdaddy

I noticed this morning as I took Little Miss for swimming lessons that there was a disturbing trend amongst the fathers that were there, namely that I think most of us hadn’t taken our shirts of in public in a long long time (and it had been even longer since we had been swimming).

Sure there was the odd ‘trophy dad’ that had maintained a semblance his former chiseled physic. Then there was the ‘once was fit’, which were discernible by the fact that they didn’t look too out of place in the water, but they were carrying a lot more ballast than they used to. Then there were the guys like me, the never wases – but it was encouraging to see that everyone had been brought done to my level finally.

See, Wife if wrong, I don’t have to win. I am just as happy not winning as long as everyone else is losing too lol. Now that’s a lesson to teach the kids.
 

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Waahhhh Waaahhhhh

Posted on May 1, 2009 by toddlerdaddy

Usurper is turning into a funny little bugger. Not only when she finds something amusing laugh uproariously, but when she stops she lets out a sigh and deadpans “Funny” before starting to giggle again.
Not only is she doing that but she has also invented her own little game. Every now and again she will drop to her hands and knees, crawl around going waaahhh waaahhhh and insist on being called ‘Baby Usurper’. She even gets her big sister to join in on the baby game.
She is going to be a major Ham! (and trouble).

Big sister – Little Miss – has decided that her fluffy night pants are now beneath her and she wants to just wear normal undies to bed. This had to the nightly ritual of grabbing her up as I go to bed and plonk on the toilet before carrying her back to bed in an attempt to get her through the night dry.
This is all being done at her insistence and to her credit the first night we tried it we made it all the way through completely dry. Last night was a different matter though. I was a little late on the night time carry to the toilet and as a consequence we had an accident. So the last thing I did before heading to bed was change a urine soaked 4 year old.
Luckily for me the first thing I did this morning was also change a urine soaked 4 year old. But I wouldn’t have it any other way to be honest – she is trying to do things of her own accord and regardless of success or failure it is the effort that should command respect.

But at the moment I a really enjoying my girls, both the highs and the lows, but they are fast growing up and every day is an adventure so I best enjoy them while I can.

Posted in Toddler, bad daddy, potty training, toddler behaviour | 3 Comments

It’s been too long my friends

Posted on April 16, 2009 by toddlerdaddy

It has been so long since I posted that I don’t know where to begin, so here are some thoughts in no particular order:
The more placid a young child is the more extreme the tantrums they will have in the terrible twos. Usurper started having tantrums over Easter in a major way. They are the type of tantrums that end up on Youtube being laughed at by 1000′s of people everywhere. They involve screaming, throwing oneself to the ground, belowing, sobbing, screaming, hitting and kicking.

According to Wife I am wrong and they are NOT ‘absolutely hilarious’.

It is pure coincidence of course that the tantrums started on the same day that chocolate was discovered!

In other news the 4 year old is going through a major dress up in frilly princess things and dance around a lot. She spends a lot of time studying various ballet dance moves and trying to replicate them A dancer she is not. Of course she may also be hindered by her mashed up approach to super heroes. She is often “spiderman fairy” – which is certainly a super hero for the 21st century.

Speaking of pretty dresses – usurper is obsessed with them. Every night as I come home I am met by a twirling 2 year old dressed like a grotty Holly Hobby who is twirling furiously while chanting “pretty dress! pretty dress!” like some kind of female chucky doll.

The other big thing that is happening is the questions of the eldest are getting harder and harder to answer, things like:
“Is the Easter bunny real or just pretend real” – which wins in the cute stakes.

In the not so cute stakes her best friend’s parents just lost a baby due to medical issues during pregnancy. Little Miss was aware of the fact she was pregnant, and we knew that her little friend would be well aware of the drama enveloping her parents. So the upshot of all that is we had to explain that the baby in x’s tummy had a special sickness and died. So we were handling all the questions about being sick, and dieing etc etc. Then we got that really threw us was “What did they do with the baby?” – how the hell do you answer that one?

Life is getting more complex all the time – let the good times roll

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Horsepiddle

Posted on April 2, 2009 by toddlerdaddy

Well we finally achieved it. After several practice runs to the emergency rooms over the past couple of years we finally made the big time and got checked in to the wards.
Little Miss managed to run some pretty good temperatures and got to spend two nights in the hospital attached to a drip and all the rest of it. She is fine now and has been checked out without a clear indication of what it was – at least we know it wasn’t life threatening. So let’s call it a virus shall we?
About the only thing that was life threatening was the meltdown she had on the second day. It was such an act of cut off your nose to spite your face defiance that it even prompted the paediatrician to comment on it to Wife during rounds the next day. You know when a paediatrician of 40 years comments on the hissyfit of your child that it is world class.
Ahhh, our high strung little angel – it is going to be a very long couple of years.

Now, as for the youngest one the terrible twos are almost upon us. As with most things involving you you are hitting them a little early, also as with most things you are involved with you are doing them in an extra cute way that makes it hard not to laugh when you go off the deep end about whatever it may be. I especially like tantrums that involve our up until now mini tomboy insisting that she be allowed to wear a ‘pretty dress’. Of course she then wants to play in the mud in it – torn between cute and evil that she is. Why do I get the feeling that you are both going to confuse many a boy, and break many a heart in your life – all without so much as a backward glance or any knowledge of what is happening. I look forward to mocking all those boy ‘friends’ who hang around in the misguided belief that it may develop into something else.

You are both soooooo like your mother, just in VERY different ways……….

Posted in Wife, bad daddy, toddler behaviour | 1 Comment

Liar Liar pants on fire

Posted on March 23, 2009 by toddlerdaddy

I LOVEEEEE the way four year olds lie – and I am not being the least bit sarcastic when I say that. I honestly and for true love the way a four year old lies.

The way they truly COMMIT to the lie and believe it with every fibre of their being. It doesn’t matter that their version of events is truly preposterous and no one believes them, once they have given their version of events they are sticking to it no matter what.

For example this evening I heard the ‘locked’ back screen door swing open and bang shut. I knew I had locked it because it had started to rain and it was the only way I could keep Usurper inside. It was just after dinner and I had was beginning to run the bath when I heard the squeals of laughter from outside.

I got up headed to the kitchen and found the eldest holding the door open and instructing Usurper on how to best run around in the rain and which puddles to jump in.

When confronted with a simple query of ‘Why did you unlock the door and let Usurper out?’ the following exchange took place:

Little Miss: ‘I am just trying to get her back in!’

Me: ‘I heard you telling her to jump in the puddles’

Little Miss: ‘No I wasn’t, I was telling her NOT to jump on the puddles’

Me: ‘Ok. But why did you let her out?’

Little Miss: ‘I didn’t. Usurper did it’

Me: ‘I know it was you, Usurper can’t reach the door or do the lock’

Little Miss: ‘Yes she can. I’m a good girl, I wasn’t doing anything, It was Usurper, I am not a liar, I hate you………….’

Never give in, Never give up, Never admit to a lie – that’s the 4 year old way!

Posted in Toddler, amusing the kiddies, bad daddy, parenting, toddler behaviour | 2 Comments