I have looked back over the posts in this blog and apart from being struck by just how appalling my typing and grammar is at times one other thing has struck me, and that is how focused the entries have been on Little Miss the toddler and not Usurper the baby. This ot me thinking about the amount of time I have spent not only writing about Usurper but actually with Usurper.
Maybe it is the curse of the second child that they don’t get as much quality time as the first, or maybe I am just a bad Daddy. I will admit to being worried at times that I am not bonding with Usurper as much or as easily as I did with Little Miss, and also some concern that I never will.
Then when I cast my mind further back I start to realise that it wasn’t until Little Miss was truly able to interact, towards the 8-9 month mark, that we really started to bond. Until then I carried her around at times, changed nappies, tried to get to sleep, and I certainly loved her from the beginning as I do Usurper, but we weren’t friends, we didn’t bond until 8-9 months in.
So now I am wondering whether I am some kind of unfeeling heartless monster unable to connect with their own children for months, or whether it is the same for all fathers. Whether we have to wait until we can spend quality time interacting with our kids, laughing and playing together until we feel that connection, that bond that isn’t being a parent, isn’t love, but is all those things and a friendship (for want of a better phrase).
I hope this is normal, and I am not a monster.  But the one fact I do know with Usurper that I didn’t know with Little Miss, and that is when that feeling does hit, it is all encompassing and unlike anything else in this world.
In the meantime I think I will have to spend more time with Usurper waiting for that bolt of lightening until then I will  just marvel at how wonderful she is already and how I can’t wait to actually get to know her as a person.

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