Do you ever get the feeling that one of your main roles as a parent is to just try and not completely screw up your kids?
More and more I am coming to the reluctant conclusion that this is a major part of being a parent. Sure you have to teach them the skills needed to get through ordinary life (and hopefully some Mad Skillz at that), but that is only part of it. You also have to NOT teach them bad habits or damage their tender little psyches.
I don’t want to raise the next John Wayne Gacy, or Lindsay Lohan, or John Bourke (who nobody will know because he is a social misfit and spends most of his time locked in his house - presumably screwed up by his parents). You see when I look at Usurper, the 3 month old baby, I see nothing but perfection. A clean and innocent slate with not a mean bone in her body and winning smile that could melt your heart - even if the grin is caused by gas.
Then there is Little Miss - the toddler - and I can already see where she has started to develop a distinctive identity, which is good because it makes her an individual and makes her an amazing amount of fun to interact with. But with the good comes the bad, and while the bad is cute now it won’t be forever.
Maybe I am just being paranoid, maybe these traits are innate or a phase that all children go through and not my own bad habits reflected back to me through my toddlers personality. All I can hope now is that neither of my daughters pick up all my bad habits - especially the ones I had as a teenager, the last thing I need in the house is a lazy, layabout, bong smoking, school skipping, smart arse.
Hmmmm, I believe I shall call my parents and apologise once again for their having to raise a son like me - payback is a bitch.
Ah, I see you’ve discovered one of my little secrets to parenting without completely losing your mind. Keep your goals simple and realistic or the KISS method.
At one point I thought about experimenting with Princess by teaching her that the color of the sky is orange but then I realized that I’d probably screw up enough in other areas. So as long as she comes out able to feed and clothe herself, read, write and generally be nice to other people I’ve done my job. Right?
I remember holding my first son in the first week he was born and cried, feeling overwhelmed by the thought of how he is completely dependent on me to “shape” his life. If I screw up, he screws up! Maybe that was just baby blues, but it sure gave me a jump start on being careful with what i say and do when I am with him.
The tricky part is that his grandparents stay with us, and that is beyond my “control”! Yikes!
It is very reassuring that my panic is universal for those of us trying to raise kids as best we can.
I find the funniest bit about this is that my Wife who gets more stressed out about such things and is prone to lecture me is also the one who has taught our toddler some interesting habits.
And you are right in mentioning the grand parents, so far they have introduced:
cupcakes, ice cream, chocolate, riding on shopping trolleys (by hanging on the front no less) and given her an electric Dora car to drive.
What I don’t understand is that these are the same people who seemed to spend my entire childhood trying to stop me from doing these things ………. I guess revenge is sweet.
*nodding my head*
I totally understand.
2 things that my mum-in-law does that irks me: feeds the boys sweets secretly behind my back (or so she thinks!!) and is in the habit of having the TV on 24-7!
Pa-in-law has OCD and scolds the kids all the time that they are dirty. All so negative and demoralizing for them. Sigh…
I find the hardest thing to do when it comes to the grandparents is to bring up their behaviour and point out why it could be the wrong thing to do.
With my parents it just goes against the grain a little to be the one correcting their behaviour and not the other way round - lol
With the in-laws I find that silence is the best policy when saying anything about your partners family - even if they bring it up it can be dangerous to agree as it will just get thrown back at you during an argument at some stage.
So I am going with plan B - well I will as soon as I have a plan B ……….
Lol.
Thanks. Let me know when you have plan B out.