How the heck do they do it? How do toddlers manage to throw themselves around with absolute gay abandon and not  kill themselves - or at least do serious damage to their being?

Little Miss’ current favorite game involves doing backflips off the couch and onto the ground below. She does this with no regard for her wellbeing or regard for the consequences.

Apart from the constant heart in mouth sensation these stunts lead too I don’t mind the rolling off the couch all that much - it is better than having a toddler who is afraid of their own shadow, which is where Little Miss started her adventures in life. She used to be too scared to even climb up on play equipment, and now we can’t stop her jumping off it lol.

Soooo, all of that wouldn’t be too bad, but she has decided that I should be dragged into her little death defying game, which leads to the following fun. We get to lie down on the couch together, then we pretend to overbalance (complete with woooooohhhhhhhhhh, arrrggghhhhhh sound effects as we wobble back and forth) and we eventually tumble unceremoniously to the ground with a thud.

Now given that I outweigh little miss by about 4 - 1 (it used to be over 6 - 1 but I am more sprightly these days, and she is a growing girl) I have to ensure that I land on the ground first and she lands of the soft landing mat that is daddy.

Once we land on the ground she jumps up all concerned; ‘Did you break your arm?’, ‘Did you break your neck?’ ‘Did you break……?’ To which I have to reassure her constantly that I haven’t broken anything.

She then pulls me up by the hands, comments how lucky we are not to have suffered a severe injury and ‘cried big tears’.

Then pleased with the fact we have survived she demands that we do it again: the rolling on the couch, the slight overbalancing, the thudding crunch to the ground. Over and over again, for literally hours on end if she is allowed. All good fun and games.

Unless you happen to be Daddy that is.

I am slowly being crushed to a pulp in this game. Every time the toddler falls she lands on me with a more resounding thud. Each time she remains uninjured she gets bolder throwing itself around with more and more fervor, leading to a greater and greater pounding for dear old dad.

I think she is trying to kill me slowly by turning my internal organs into a liquid gloop - probably at the behest of the evil baby Usurper who giggles at the whole thing, much like a Roman at the Colosseum.